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| Before I begin, I would like to thank everyone for coming out and being part of this beautiful wedding. I know for a fact this was 100% put together by Tay & Company and 0% by my brother. So I applaud you Tay for all the hard work you put into this special day and it definitely shows. Anyways my name is J-kai and I am the younger brother of the groom E-kai. I've been waiting for this day for a long time, cause as E-kai would always say "by default I would be the best man" and oneday when the time comes he would be mine. I like the fact that we're each other's best man by default and not out of love.
Me and Ekai are about 4 years apart. When we were young, people use joke about how our names are only one letter different. My name is spelled "J KAI " and E-kai's is spelled "E K A I". People would always ask me if my younger sister's name is T-kai? I would respond with "noo" her name is Christine. Well today I am proud to say I have gained an older sister whos name is close enough to T-kai, but we'll stick with Tay for short.
Until recently, I didn't know how a guy like my brother could get a girl like Tay. I use to think he was the lucky one in the family and I would secretly be jealous and proud of all his accomplisments. It was never easy growing up under my brother's shadow. He literally is the poster child that any parent could wish upon their kids. I mean hes only 30 and is already an successful surgeon, has big muscles, and now a hot wife.
But looking back at his life, I realized my brother is not very lucky and that his path to meeting Tay wasn't luck at all. It was really a series of events that had changed my brother to become the type of guy Tay was looking for. Its very very clear to see how the dots connect looking backwards, but impossible to connect the dots looking forward, which leads me to share the real story of my brother's journey to meeting a girl he couldn't imagine getting married to.
His journey really started when I was born. You see when my brother was born my parents gave him the name E-kai which in chinese means "to be a good model". Before me, Ekai had no one he could be a good model to, so he was the most problematic child any parent would have to deal with. My mom would always share stories of how my brother would always cry. Every morning when he would wake up, he would cry. When my parents tried to put him asleep, he would cry. When there was nothing going on, he would cry. He needed constant attention. Even feeding him was no easy task. He was an extremely picky eater. My parents would have to strategize a plan where my dad would have to hold my brother to make him laugh so his mouth would open. When his mouth would open wide enough, my mom would immediately stuff food in his mouth for him to eat. Ofcourse after every bite, my brother would immediately start crying. My favorite story was when my parents bought their first TV and it started to take away attention from my brother, so logically he broke the attenna leaving no TV for my parents to watch.
This all changed when I was born. You see when I was born, I had the complete opposite behavior. For one, I never cried as a baby. I was always smiling and laughing and ate pretty much anything my parents would feed me. One day when my brother was crying in the morning, my mom took him to my room and said to him "see look at your little brother, he never cries, why do you cry all the time?". From that day on, my brother never cried. When it came to eating, my parents would feed me first and then my brother would watch and then he'd eat the food without a fight. I realized my parents gave me my name because it in chinese it means "To make people better" and from the moment my mom pointed out my qualities, it immediately changed my brother's character from being a bratty little kid to the great model he is now.
And by great, I really mean that by no exaggeration. When we were going to school in Texas, kids would use to pick on us because we were just different from all the other kids. My brother experienced this first, but when he saw me go through the same he made the first big promise I've ever heard him make, which was to always protect me. My brother doesn't make that many promises, but when he does you know its for real. His solution to protecting me was very simple, it was to get big to intimidate people. He was determined make sure I would never come home crying to my mom and not wanting to go back to school next day. Everday he would read the Men's Health magazine and study the human anatomy to learn how muscles grew. Second he would spend hours at the gym while me and my mom would go shopping. Back then I never understood why my brother would pick the gym over the mall, but one day he woke up looking like Arnold Schwarzenegger with arms the size of a tree trunk. Having a brother as big as Arnold has its advantages and disadvantages. The advantage is the kids that use to pick on me would now say "don't mess with him or else his brother will hunt you down and his brother is huuuge!" Even today, people would say the same thing although his muscles are bit more tamed they still scare the crap out of me.
The disadvantage is that my brother always had his way. My parents never really developed the concept of letting us own our own things. In the ideal world of my parents we would share everything 50 50 from toys to clothes. The problem was my brother doesn't like to share anything and is very paranoid about his toys getting scratched. Fighting my brother was not an option and logical arguments would lead to him flexing his muscles and I would have to surrender.
I remember my parents would never buy us comics, so what my brother did was learn to draw our favorite comic characters. When he showed me his first drawing, it was a tracing of spiderman from a cereal box. It was surprisingly very good and he kept drawing. After about a 100 tracings he developed a knack for art. It was quite beautiful actually, he learned about all the intricacies of art from the lighting to the shading and became extremely detailed oriented. Artistic talent doesn't run in my family, but I guess when you are deprived, you start to become creative to get the things you want.
But what me and my brother wanted growing up was very different from what our parents wanted. To my dad, nothing else mattered except to study chemistry, since he's a chemist himself. Our study of chemistry began at a very early age, but as much as our dad wanted us to become Nobel Winner chemist, he was very disappointed to learn that we sucked at it. For my brother, he never gave up and went to college majoring in chemistry and graduated in 3 years. I guess in his view, he hated letting our dad down and decided to make him happy by studying his favorite subject. My dad was happy with his decision.
What my dad didn't know was that my brother leveraged chemistry to get him some where he was actually interested in which is medical school. This is how my brother ended up on the east cause he knew he had to get the hell out of texas. Now medical school for my brother was a whole different world. While he was always use to being the best, medical school really humbled him cause he was surrounded by really smart people who studied and worked just as hard if not harder than him.
But being book smart can only get you so far and it really showed when he got matched for residency in New York. By the time my brother got to residency he got use to all the smart people around him. Although they probably got better grades, my brother soon found out he had an advantage over them because of the talent he had acquired while growing up which is why he choose general surgery as his specialty.
You see in surgery you can't just cut someone up and then sew them back together, that's how people end up with these big nasty scars. There's an artistic factor to surgery because you have to make the sutures look nice so when it heals its looks as if nothing had happened.
This is what makes the difference between a good surgeon and a great surgeon, and that first Spiderman tracing is probably a huge reason why we're all gathered here today. Without that artistic hand he wouldn't have become a surgeon with the skills to impress tay. And without the self-discipline he gained to protect me when we were younger, he wouldn't have learned to be as determined as he had to be to chase her. When my brother first laid eyes on Tay, he called me up and said "Jay, I promise if I ever get with that girl, I'm going to marry her." That's the second promise I ever heard my brother made, and just as he stuck by his first promise of protecting me, here he is today marrying the girl of his dreams. Of course, his big muscles probably helped too.
Now up to this point, all I've talked about are my brother's strengths. Let's talk about some of his weaknesses. It wasn't until this year I discovered that my brother does not react well with risk. Sometime earlier this year I suggested to him to take some money out of his savings and put it into some stocks. Since I'm in the financial industry I knew that Q1 results from the big banks were going to be good and that their stocks were on the verge of going up. At the time Citibank was on the rise and I told him to buy that stock when it was in the low 3s.
But my brother "being the idiot that he is" dumps all his money in Citi at 4 dollars. The moment I told him 4 was too high, he started panicing and crying and literally called me everyday to ask me why the stock hasn't gone up and it always ended with "tay is going to kill me". I told him to calm down and wait until Citi reports their Q1 results because it will probably go up afterwards.
So the night before Citi was going to announce their Q1 results, I called my brother and said "ekai... We have been waiting for this day for a while, are you ready..to make some money??"
He responds with "yess yess I am ready, I'm ready to make some money!"
I said "Ekai you don't sound like your ready, let me ask you again... Are you ready to make some money!"
He repsonds "yes! I am sooo ready! To make some money"
Little did I know my parents heard our entire conversation, and the next day at 6am pacific time we all go to the computer to check the stock and low and behold the stock... TANKS. My brother was sad about this, but my parents found this hilarious. Eventually I sold his stock and made him some money.
But ever since that phone call, every morning my dad would wake my brother up and say "ekai... Are you ready... to go to work?
And when my brother would come home from work my mom would say "ekai... Are you ready...
For some dinner?".
It got to a point where my brother would ask his patience "are you ready...
For some surgery?"
Well ekai today I'm going to ask you the last question and I want everyone to raise their glasses...
"Ekai...are you ready...
for marriage?"
Cuz I can't think of a more perfect match than Tay for you to spend the rest of your life with. You guys make a beautiful couple and I hope for the best years to come. I can't wait to meet your 4 kids one day,
Thank you everyone. | | |
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I know...my bad for not updating my xanga in a while, but as promised I will continue passing on my legendary knowledge of Clubbing so young and upcoming Clubbers will not be lost when they start their clubbing phase. I can't say I'm the best teacher and probably not one to lead by example, but I am awesome at teaching "What not to do", which brings me to a new topic of "Clubbing With Your Significant Other" or in my case "Clubbing With Your Girlfriend".
Warning
Before I start off Lesson #3, I would like to warn you guys that clubbing with your girlfriend is not recommended...at all. Please avoid this situation at all times, especially when you are new to the scene. Only Dinosaur Clubbers are capable of executing this impossible situation smoothly, but even the Dinosaur Clubbers mess up too. Any possible fuck up can lead to weeks of arguing, losing trust, worrying, and sometimes break ups. So guys, if you like your girlfriend please be sure to rent her favorite romantic comedies so she can sit at home being a sap while you and your boyz go grind on some breezies.
But if your girlfriend insist on coming with you, no matter how many superficial things you try to buy for her to convince her not to go, than make sure you are mentally prepared to go through a night of hell or better yet tell your friends to have a good night. You might as well put a blind fold over your face then down a bottle of Vodka and drive around the city. You never know what you are going to hit and then get fucked with a DUI. Thats what clubbing with your girlfriend is like, you never know who you are going to hit on, and then get fucked with a CUI (clubbing under the influence), in which you will have to pay dearly for afterwards.
So last weekend I went to the Ascension Party at Straits....with my girlfriend. Yes! I am claiming Dinosaur Clubber status and Yes! I do like her a lot...in fact a bit too much  . The fact that I am admitting I have one on a public forum says a lot for me, but to take our relationship to the next level I decided I was ready to take her clubbing...at my own promotion group club party (which is more trouble). If you know my past, I am the absolute the worst boyfriend to go clubbing with. Now that I am older, wiser (shutup I am wise), and more mature...one would think I'm incapable of fucking up since I have made every possible mistake in my past. Well I guess I missed one and after last Saturday I am sure to go down in the History of Clubbing as one who has made every mistake in the book.
When I brought my girlfriend to the party, I made sure a lot of our mutual friends were there. Having your friends your girlfriend is comfortable hanging out with is crucial to having a successful clubbing night. It will make you more at ease since you won't have to worry about her getting bored or some motherfuckers hitting on her because your friends will be there watching her. It also gives you some freedom to roam around. I love roaming, but like a cellphone bill you can get charged like a bitch if you do it too long. The more I was roaming the more drunk I was getting and the more drunk I was getting the more inclined I was getting to hit on some girls...as the minutes started to go by I was in that state, I transformed into a Club Hero...saving innocent girls from dancing alone.
There I saw a beautiful girl standing on the dance floor with really no one around her. I looked around to see if my girlfriend was around and she was no where to be found. I made eye contact with the Beautiful girl and she did a sexy smile and then looked away. YES! That was my que. I was feeling good, I was feeling confident...so like a Club Hero I flew over to start talking to her saving her from loneliness. I walked up to this girl and before I opened my mouth she started dancing with me! WOW OMG WOW I am so awesome! who wouldn't want to dance with me. I felt guilty, but FUCK I couldn't hold myself back so I started doing my infamous dance moves. I did the shoulder dance, I did the twist, the turn and before I knew it she was grinding me from behind. Now I am a Club God, I didn't even have to say anything and girls will be grinding against me. In the midst of my drunken dancing, I decided maybe I should introduce myself so she'll remember who she danced with and how cool of a guy I am. The convo went something like this:
Me: Haay, how are you doooing?
Beautiful Girl: Hiiii
Me: Whats your name?
Beautiful Girl: BABE! Its me your girlfriend! How drunk are you!
Me (thinking to myself): FUUUCCCK! I am wasted. I am no longer a Club God but a Club Moron!
Yes ladies and gentlemen, I just hit on my own girlfriend without knowing it was my girlfriend. A definite CUI citation. Well at least it confirms that I would hit on my girlfriend if I saw her at a club.
Conclusion
When clubbing with your girlfriend and you are out on the prowl, make sure you are not hitting on your girlfriend.
I like you t
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| I don't where to start. Its funny how xanga has become a portal for people to write their drama. Although I refuse to write sypathetic entries, this is a story I feel compelled to share.
To many, the holidays are a time for family gathering and old friends re-uniting, while my holidays usually goes by like any other day. After work last wednesday, I drove back to Sacramento at my mother's request. I feel like my experience of going back home is like no one elses. While everyone goes back to home to relax having their parents pamper them, I am put to work the moment I step in the door. It can range from cooking the entire Thanksigiving dinner, mowing the lawn, painting the walls, washing the cars, trimming the trees, and writing essays, yup that was mine Thanksigiving Weekend. Ironically, I lead a more comfortable life living on my own in the bay. This year I really wanted to stay in the bay to eat Thanksigiving because my roommates were planning to make dinner and have some guests. They already started preparing dinner before I left, and let me tell you the way my house smelled made it that much harder to leave. People always snicker at me when I tell them I live with 2 guys...who are gay. Yes they are a gay couple. I've told my ex-boss at work about my roommates and he immediately started laughing hysterically. The next thing I knew word spread to my director and I don't think a single day has gone by without someone asking me if I'm still straight. I never saw a problem in gay couples as long as they didn't infringe on my style of life. I've never been homophobic, even though I cringe when I see two males showing affection. Anyways, my living situation probably tops anyone elses. How many people can say their roommates prepare dinner for you when you get back from work or breakfast when you wake up? I can say my do. My roommates even bought me a bed, drawer, and a new carpet when they saw me move in with literally nothing. I even got a DVD player when I said I liked watching DVDs. They even went as far as installing a two headed shower because I love taking long showers. Yes I am very spoiled and I love it. I almost feel like my roommates are like my Parents, except some minor differences. Sunday morning, I was already back in the bay. I woke up to find that one of my roommate (I'll refer to gay 1) was gone. I didn't think much of it, until I saw one come back and the other (gay 2) leave. Again, I didn't think much of it. I go on about my day watching some DVDs and eating thier Thanksigiving left over only to hear a loud sob comming from the other room. Being the sensitive guy that I am, I decide to get off my ass to see what the crying was about. I sat down in the gay's room (which is the first time I've been in their room) and proceeded to try to comfort him. Me: Awww, its ok, why are you crying
Gay2: me and Gay1 broke up
Me: oohh I'm sorry, why? (comforting a gay guy is not the same as comforting a girl)
Gay2: He says hes tired of me and he likes someone else.
Me: uuhh I'm sorry......(curiously) who does he like??
Gay2: He says he started to like YOU!
Me:???? (WTF!!!)
And now, how many people can say they were a gay homewrecker. This is drama that every guy has a nightmare about, but reality to me. Now what do I do???? | | |
| My new favorite xanga ktownfug. Please keep updating so I can entertain myself at work. | | |
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HALLOWEEN is right around the corner and that means only one thing: Girls in skanky Hoe outfits! Any where I go there will be a brouhaha of hoes walking around, whether it be a slutty french maid, nurse, I'm going to feel like a fat kid in a candy store.
With so many 2hr Hoes to go around, what is a guy to do? You obviously don't want to be stuck buying drinks for a group of Hoes and see them walk away the minute you finish signing your receipt. In my previous Clubbing entry I talked about buying drinks for the 2hr-Hoes. The problem is a true Hoe doesn't need your pity drinks. You'll be lucky enough if they even glance at you. A true Hoe rolls up in the VIP section where their PIMPS have a buffet of alcohol lined up for them to drink at their disgression. They are like the Magnetos of the club, where Velvet belt & Doors open with a point of their finger, Bouncers bow down to them, and all the males & females seem to have eyes made of metal because they can't take their eyes off of them. Guestlist & Lines don't exist in their world, so unless you're willing to drop a couple of Gs in one night, these Hoes are the Untouchables. The good news about the Untouchable Hoes is that you know their motives and you know what they want. They won't play games with you and if you get the pleasure to buy a drink for them, consider that an honor. Pats on the back & possibly Fireworks in the club will proceed after your great accomplishment. So the problematic girls are the Plain-Looking-Wannabe-Hoe females that you see waiting in line begging the promoters to let them in for free that are the ones free loading on the inexperience male clubbers. So how does a guy evaluate a girl if she's actually interested or just using you for a free drink? Listen up fellas, after clubbing & promoting for so long, I've developed a strategical method that will guide your drunk ass to make the right decision and eventually help you cut cost and raise revenue. I call this method, "The Drink Test".
Definition: PIGEONS
SF & LA girls are a different kind of breed. The concensus is that LA girls are hot and SF girls are whack. LA girls use their physical appearance to get attention and SF girls use their minds. They are a smart breed and are ambitious in life. SF girls can use their smarts to their advantage by being caniving when going out at Night. Instead of flaunting their shit, they unleash their grapes of wrath by using sneaky tactics to streamline guys into buying them drinks. It doesn't matter if they are the ugliest bitches in the club (like ones in this xanga), if they can work their BB (Big Brain) they'll find some poor scrub to prey on. These girls are college educated that play a Full Timer role during the day and a Free Drink Loader at night. I like to call these girls P.I.G.E.O.N.S: Professional Innnocent Girls Engaging On Nice Scrubs
THE DRINK TEST (This lesson will have two scenes in which I will break into seperate entries)
Different PIGEONS have different styles, some are craftier than others. When they feel like free loading, they will come up with some ingenious ideas. These animals will eventually evolve and by that time I'll be writing about Slapping Your Kids rather than Clubbing. Anyways, this Drink Test is designed to help you recognize if you're getting PIGEONED or NOT.
Scenario 1: The BUZZ Word
So you see a girl standing around at the bar looking bored with her friends and you catch her taking glances at you. Naturally, a guy will get enough courage to go up to the girl and introduce himself. If done properly, the Girl will respond trying to be as bubbly as they can. But if the convo goes something like this in the first couple of minutes: Guy: Hi, my name is Jiff
Girl: Hi, my name is Piggy
Guy: How are you doing?
Girl: I'm ok, its kind of HOT and I'm getting kind of THIRSTY.
Guy: Oh, let me buy you a drink
Girl: Ohhh Thanks :)
Jiff you've just been PIGEONED.
This is the oldest trick in the book, and I admit to have fallen for this shit too. Somtimes girls do get hot & thirsty, but they'll request for water rather than alcohol, cuz we all know alcohol makes you even more dehydrated. The problem about this situation is that you don't even know you're getting PIGEONED because of the innocent girl role she is playing. Pigeons will make it seem like they're sincere, when really they're thinking of ways to mustard a free drink out of you. They will go as far as to pretending to REFUSE they want one, but we're stupid & drunk enough to insist on getting one. If you take a step back at the scene, a group of girls crowded at the bar obviously wants to get a drink. Girls don't like to spend money other than on themselves or their bf. So in this case Piggy didn't feel like getting a drink with her girlfriends because she knows eventually she will have to get a round. So she scopes around looking for the first guy to get their attention. They will goes as far as taking second glances, smiling, licking their lips, tossing their hair. A guy like Jiff obviously will fall for this tactic and within minutes he will be forking out cash for the drinks he bought for PIGEON Hoes.
Other BUZZ words guys should be cautious of is: "I'm Bored", "I'm Resting", "I'm Tired", "Its my birthday" These words should be ingrained in your brain. Anytime these phrases pop-up in the first few minutes of a conversation than bounce to the next Hoe.
LESSON LEARNED
I've master the art of getting the fuck out when I hear buzz words from a random girl. If things seem to good to be true, than it probably is and you too should get the fuck out. One time I met a girl who kept claiming she was REALLY REALLY THIRSTY, so I ordered the most expensive shit in the bar and pointed the girl to the bartender saying that "she was really thirsty, she wanted me to order for her because she can't get your attention, and that she was going to pay". The bartender knew what was up and he was all for it. I got my drink and bounced the fuck out and thats when the bartender told the girl to get her drink and pay up. The girl was puzzled & pissed!
Special thanks to Ann Kim & Jeff Lin | | |
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